When you stop teaching children, who just learn basic English, you realize, that students actually have something to say. If the students have been raised on a different continent than yours, the stuff they say might be even interesting. Don’t get me wrong, when I was teaching in Poland, laughing at what the students said or did was my favourite pastime, yet here I learn new things every day. Amazing how much the students old enough to talk can teach you. Every class I learn about the Chinese culture. For example, did you know that in China it is very rude to name a child after a relative? Or that sometimes people merge wife’s and husband’s surnames, but it is very unusual. Also, apparently it is ok in China to say in front of the whole class: “I don’t want to go to Africa because black women are ugly” (that is the student who asked me out, he’s evil).
This week I did a lesson on romantic relationships. How much did I learn about life!
We started with a picture of an old couple and of them when they were young. The task was to guess their story. Chinese version of a love story: they met and they fell in love, but the parents didn’t approve of the boy because he was poor and they had to break up because the parents told them to. Then the boy got a job and started to earn a lot of money and they got married.
Yes. The first rule of relationships in China: if the parents disapprove, it’s over. There is no arguing, doesn’t matter if you are twenty or fifty years old. The second rule is that the both families must have the same material status. No way somebody is going to marry somebody poorer than them. Before the boy and the girl arrange a blind date to meet, they exchange information on:
-how much their parents earn and where they work
-how much they earn
-the apartments that the family or they own
-the cars they drive
-their jobs
-their income
-height, age, pictures, etc.
Dear Chinese readers, correct me if I’m wrong here. I know I must be generalizing. I don’t even hope, I know that there are more exceptions to this procedure than people who carry it out to the point.
Furthermore, if you even mention gay people, the class burst out with laughter. Gay people, so funny! And if they mention it, they mention gays, not lesbians. By the way, I saw a poster in Ningbo, it must have been an HIV awareness poster. There was a syringe and silhouettes of a naked man and a woman together with joined symbols for a woman and man, and a man and a man. I was wondering, why no joined symbols for a woman and a woman? Does lesbian sex not exist in China? Or you cannot get HIV this way? I’m still confused. Please enlighten me if you can.
Next, we have five statements to discuss. So much fun!
Firstly, the ideal age for a woman to get married is twenty five and for a boy twenty seven. True, of course! It is the best age for a woman to give birth to a child! I love that one girl in the English Studies (let’s call them ES from now on) group argued, at least one of them wanted to enjoy life a little bit longer. I high-fived her, or at least I’ve tried, as she didn’t understand the gesture. Another argument to get married young was that when you are thirty, you are so old, that you are too old to enjoy life and marriage, you are too tired. Shut up eighteen-year-olds.
Secondly, the most important reason to get married is to have children. Of course not, the only reason to get married is TRUE LOVE. Then a girl in ES (I love ES) argued that having children might be the only reason to marry sometimes. If a boy loves another boy he still has to get married and have a child to “satisfy his parents” and the main reason for this marriage would not be love, but having children. The class almost died of laughter, since someone mentioned gay people. Fortunately, there were voices that such marriage is a dishonest thing to do.
Thirdly, a big age difference is not a problem if the couple are in love. Some say yes, some say no. One boy openly said that he doesn’t like older women.
Fourthly, a couple should live together before they get married. Here you can see a difference in upbringing between them. Some say Noooooo and are scandalized. What if the girl gets pregnant, it’s unthinkable! Some say yes, it’s a good idea. In Chinese tradition the couple can move in together if they are engaged. Everything must be parents-approved, of course.
Last but not least: it is OK to lose touch with one of the parents. No! Mostly, they had valid reasons to say no. A child needs both parents, both are important, both offer different things to a child. All true and very mature. Unfortunately, there was a strong tendency to voice a different opinion. A child must have both parents because otherwise kids at school will laugh at them. A girl was explaining it to me in first person (“If I don’t have a mother or a father, the children will laugh at me...”), so I asked her: “Oh, are we talking about you?” How appalled was she to hear this question! How dare I insinuate that she might do such a dirty thing as having only one parent?! This led me only to conclusion that growing up in China is really a nightmare. Bereft children, whose one parent died or left you, you must pay the price for something you are not guilty of and learn that you are inferior to everybody else.
Nevertheless, it is so nice to listen to teenagers and their untainted ideas on love. You mustn’t marry for money, I’ve learned, parents won’t force you to marry somebody you don’t love, twenty-five is old and somewhere far away in the future and by the time people are twenty-five they all find true love and get married happily. Here, the teenagers from all the countries around the world are just the same.
This week I did a lesson on romantic relationships. How much did I learn about life!
We started with a picture of an old couple and of them when they were young. The task was to guess their story. Chinese version of a love story: they met and they fell in love, but the parents didn’t approve of the boy because he was poor and they had to break up because the parents told them to. Then the boy got a job and started to earn a lot of money and they got married.
Yes. The first rule of relationships in China: if the parents disapprove, it’s over. There is no arguing, doesn’t matter if you are twenty or fifty years old. The second rule is that the both families must have the same material status. No way somebody is going to marry somebody poorer than them. Before the boy and the girl arrange a blind date to meet, they exchange information on:
-how much their parents earn and where they work
-how much they earn
-the apartments that the family or they own
-the cars they drive
-their jobs
-their income
-height, age, pictures, etc.
Dear Chinese readers, correct me if I’m wrong here. I know I must be generalizing. I don’t even hope, I know that there are more exceptions to this procedure than people who carry it out to the point.
Furthermore, if you even mention gay people, the class burst out with laughter. Gay people, so funny! And if they mention it, they mention gays, not lesbians. By the way, I saw a poster in Ningbo, it must have been an HIV awareness poster. There was a syringe and silhouettes of a naked man and a woman together with joined symbols for a woman and man, and a man and a man. I was wondering, why no joined symbols for a woman and a woman? Does lesbian sex not exist in China? Or you cannot get HIV this way? I’m still confused. Please enlighten me if you can.
Next, we have five statements to discuss. So much fun!
Firstly, the ideal age for a woman to get married is twenty five and for a boy twenty seven. True, of course! It is the best age for a woman to give birth to a child! I love that one girl in the English Studies (let’s call them ES from now on) group argued, at least one of them wanted to enjoy life a little bit longer. I high-fived her, or at least I’ve tried, as she didn’t understand the gesture. Another argument to get married young was that when you are thirty, you are so old, that you are too old to enjoy life and marriage, you are too tired. Shut up eighteen-year-olds.
Secondly, the most important reason to get married is to have children. Of course not, the only reason to get married is TRUE LOVE. Then a girl in ES (I love ES) argued that having children might be the only reason to marry sometimes. If a boy loves another boy he still has to get married and have a child to “satisfy his parents” and the main reason for this marriage would not be love, but having children. The class almost died of laughter, since someone mentioned gay people. Fortunately, there were voices that such marriage is a dishonest thing to do.
Thirdly, a big age difference is not a problem if the couple are in love. Some say yes, some say no. One boy openly said that he doesn’t like older women.
Fourthly, a couple should live together before they get married. Here you can see a difference in upbringing between them. Some say Noooooo and are scandalized. What if the girl gets pregnant, it’s unthinkable! Some say yes, it’s a good idea. In Chinese tradition the couple can move in together if they are engaged. Everything must be parents-approved, of course.
Last but not least: it is OK to lose touch with one of the parents. No! Mostly, they had valid reasons to say no. A child needs both parents, both are important, both offer different things to a child. All true and very mature. Unfortunately, there was a strong tendency to voice a different opinion. A child must have both parents because otherwise kids at school will laugh at them. A girl was explaining it to me in first person (“If I don’t have a mother or a father, the children will laugh at me...”), so I asked her: “Oh, are we talking about you?” How appalled was she to hear this question! How dare I insinuate that she might do such a dirty thing as having only one parent?! This led me only to conclusion that growing up in China is really a nightmare. Bereft children, whose one parent died or left you, you must pay the price for something you are not guilty of and learn that you are inferior to everybody else.
Nevertheless, it is so nice to listen to teenagers and their untainted ideas on love. You mustn’t marry for money, I’ve learned, parents won’t force you to marry somebody you don’t love, twenty-five is old and somewhere far away in the future and by the time people are twenty-five they all find true love and get married happily. Here, the teenagers from all the countries around the world are just the same.
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